Another Conversation With The Media And Politicians

Media And Politicians: We support peace and democracy.

Me: Well I’m glad to hear that.

M&P: Which is why we need to confront the evil dictator of Nation X.

Me: Confrontation sounds very much like war, which is the opposite of peace.

M&P: We need to remove the evil dictator of Nation X in order to restore democracy, which will bring about peace and prosperity.

Me: Wasn’t the president—

M&P: Evil dictator.

Me: All right. Wasn’t the evil dictator of Nation X democratically elected? I fail to see how overthrowing a democratically elected presi—I mean dictator, is in anyway democratic.

M&P: The evil Dictator of Nation X was not elected by a real democratic process the way our benevolent leaders in the United States and those in nations we are allied to, such as Israel and Saudi Arabia, were.

Me: Wait? Saudi Arabia's leaders are democratically elected?

M&P: Never mind that. The evil dictator of Nation X-

Me: Look, it’s getting hard to keep typing “the evil dictator of Nation X” all the time. Do you mind if we just use an acronym, maybe something like Ted Onx?

M&P: Actually, we use that same acronym in our template for how to overthrow governments that are not supporting our interests and the economic interests of oil companies. Oops. I mean, yes, let’s call him Ted Onx.

Me: Good. Now, I understand that Ted Onx is probably not a real great guy, but don’t you think that by using war and non-democratic means that we are behaving in the same manner you accuse Ted Onx of?

M&P: We despise violence and support democracy, but in this unique circumstance there is no other option than dropping bombs in order to protect the sacred values of democracy.

Me: Hey, wait a minute, isn’t that what you said about the evil dictator of Nation W?

M&P: That was a mistake.

Me: Oh, okay. Hey, wait a minute. Didn’t you say it was a mistake when you used violence to overthrow the evil dictator of Nation V?

M&P: Yes we did. And if you’ll notice, after we overthrew the government of Nation V, reduced the country to a ravaged, anti-democratic smoldering crater, we apologized for being too credulous for believing the unsubstantiated assertions of those who led us into that war. So you see, we’re all good.

Me: I remember that now. Didn’t you promise to do a better job of digging for the truth the next time?

M&P: Most assuredly, because we are trustworthy sources of information who only want to provide you with the truth.

Me: So you got rid of all the journalists who uncritically supported the lies and promoted and rewarded all the journalists who got the story right?

M&P: We are not judgmental. Sometimes journalists get a story wrong, but they’re trying really hard to get it right this time.

Me: But they’re behaving in the exact same fashion as they did when they uncritically supported the last war against Nation W. And Nation V. And Nation U. And-

M&P: We don’t engage in whataboutisms. Besides, this situation is unique. Babies are being ripped from incubators and used to manufacture weapons of mass destruction.

Me: That sounds a little far-fetched.

M&P: And you, sir, sound like a Ted Onx apologist.

Me: Well, could you at least tell me what the journalists and politicians who got the stories of Nation V and nation W right think?

M&P: We would love to, but we're afraid they no longer work for us. Many of them are now at RT, and we can't recommend you go there, because RT is a government-supported propaganda outlet.

Me: And what would you call a media conglomerate that time after time echoes the unsubstantiated claims of its government in order to lead us into war?

M&P: Boy, have you seen what the evil dictator of Nation Y is doing? We really need to do something about him.