An Evening Watching MSNBC

  MSNBC Host: Intelligence officials today said they have determined that Russia did undetermined bad things. For more on this, let me bring on a guest who has spent her entire career in the intelligence community. Welcome Josephine McCarthy. Josephine, can you confirm for me that Russia did unspecified bad things?

 Josephine: I spoke to someone in the intelligence community today and he confirmed for me that Russia did indeed do unspecified things that were bad.

 MSNBC Host: Well, I guess that question has been answered. Could you give the audience any example of a thing the Russians did that was bad?

 Josephine: The agency cannot confirm any specific thing happened, but they have assured me that things were done, Russians did them, and the things done were bad things.

 MSNBC Host: Shocking! When we return from our commercial break, we’ll talk to a security expert about how we can protect people on social media from hearing untrue ideas.

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 MSNBC Host: Welcome back. As of late there have been a lot of fake news stories going around, undermining the truth reported by establishment media. Here to answer our questions about how we can stop people from believing ridiculous notions, like Jeffrey Epstein not killing himself, is Spooky McSpookface. He’s an expert in propaganda with the CIA. Other people’s propaganda. Spooky, it’s great to have you back on again. If you could just start out, why is it that you think people’s faith in establishment media has never been lower?

 Spooky: Well, incredibly racist people, egged on by the genetically inclined to crime Russians, have been spreading information unapproved by the agencies that can be very damaging.

 MSNBC Host: Can you give us an example?

 Spooky: Yes. Some people on social media are suggesting the U.S. should pull troops out of Afghanistan.

 MSNBC Host: Shocking!

 Spooky: I know. But this is only the tip of the iceberg. Some people are even suggesting we return Syrian oil fields to the Syrians.

 MSNBC: Barbarians! Do these people have any idea how dangerous to world peace that would be?

 Spooky: They have no idea. This is why people need someone to do their thinking for them. Why, it gets even worse than that. Some people are actually claiming that intelligence agencies are themselves spreading untruthful narratives.

 MSNBC Host: Rascists!

 Spooky: You know, there are many people of color who work for the intelligence agencies, and when I hear such accusations, it makes me think Jim Crow has never really gone away.

 MSNBC Host: I’m sorry but we’re going to have to leave it there. We have just received breaking news. Unnamed intelligence officials have confirmed that Russia has done further unspecified bad stuff. Stay tuned for Rachel Maddow, who will undoubtedly speculate about what sort of bad stuff they may have done.

  Rachel Maddow: Tonight…we have learned that Russia did bad stuff. Does Putin never sleep?I wonder. You know, Ted Cruz left the country lately, supposedlytogoonvacationwithhisfamily. But…it’s a little odd...don’t you think? I mean…leaving the country when a deadly Siberian storm was bearing down on his home state of Texas was not very good timing on his part. What if, and as of yet this has not been confirmed, what if he was making pee videos with Russian prostitutes? What if--

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