Who Could Hillary Have Beat?

Hillary Clinton lost to Donald Trump, which leads me to question what candidate she could have beat. Oh, I know, she got 3 million more votes than Trump, but that’s like saying the Bears gained more yards in their 21-9 loss to the Green Bay Packers. That’s the way the game is played, victory goes to whoever scores the most electoral votes rather than the popular vote. Those were the rules Hillary chose to play by.

She could have worked to change the rules if she had wanted, in the years that led up to the 2016 election. You’d have thought the Democrats might have fought for genuine majority rule after what happened in 2000, but you’d be wrong. You’d think they’d bring up the fact that many poor people and minorities were scrubbed from voting eligibility lists too, but it’s not something the Democrats worry about. They’re more concerned with going after people who vote third party because they can no longer tolerate the corruption of the two major parties. They’d rather go after those who actually believe in the issues the Democrats allegedly support rather than actually have to adopt those positions.

Besides, saying you got more votes than Trump means nothing. My dog has squeaky toys that could have got more votes in a head to head competition against Trump. His favorability rating was 37% going into the election. Now consider that the 50% of people who most dislike the candidates don’t bother to vote at all. All she needed from the other 50% was a small majority in key battleground states. Mainstream Republicans were flipping, Bernie Sanders was backing her, the media was on her side, and whatever mainstream Republican candidates may have been providing public support for Trump, you know deep in their hearts they hated his guts. Nobody could be treated the way Cruz and Rubio were and not harbor resentment and ill will towards the monkey who made a circus of the Republican Presidential Contest.

So saying you received more votes than Donald Trump is no different than me saying my bowling score was higher than the blind girl scout I was competing against: it’s not something I want to bring up. But it does raise an interesting question: Who could Hillary have beaten in the 2016 Presidential Election? After considerable thought, I have compiled a list. There is no way to prove my contentions, it is just a gut feeling. I could hire some pollsters, but if there’s one thing the 2016 election showed is they don’t have a clue. Anyway, the list of people or things that Hillary could have beat is:

·    A dead cow

·   A raccoon with rabies

·   Snidely Whiplash

·   Adolph Hitler

·   Charles Manson (with Swastika on his forehead)

·   Nickelback

·   That lady who pretended to be black

·   Milli

·   Michael Vick (puppygate era)

·   “cash me outside” girl

·   Joe Leiberman

·   Simon Barsinister

This is not to pick on Hillary. And just to show I’m not biased, I present a list of people or things that could have beat Donald Trump:

·      Charles Manson (without swastika on forehead)

·      Raccoon without rabies

·      Vanilli

·      Walter Mondale

·      Michael Dukakis

·       Duchael Mikakis

·       Grima Wormtongue

·       Michael Vick (Reformed)

·       Eddie Haskell

·         -My dog’s monkey toy with the face ripped off

Please feel free to add your own suggestions.

P.S. The cow was just sleeping, not dead. I would never post a picture of a dead cow.