The Monkey At The Typewriter

A thousand monkeys pecking away at typewriters will never write Hamlet. Even if one did, it wouldn’t make him Shakespeare. But one will eventually come near enough that he will be considered a great playwright by those who want to believe. And once someone is convinced a monkey is a genius, good luck trying to convince them otherwise.

When the monkey types “to pee or not to pee,” his defenders will say “oh, we knew what he meant to type, stop making a big deal over a little typo.”

I get it, the idea of a monkey typing great works is so cool that people just want to believe it. And when you want to believe in something, signs start appearing all around you.

And monkeys, like other animals, are good at picking up cues. There once was a man who believed he had taught his horse to do math because he would ask it a question like “What’s 3+4?” and the horse would paw at the ground the correct amount of times. It wasn’t until the matter was studied by others that it was discovered the owner was giving the horse an unnoticed cue when he wanted it to stop. Predictably, the horse’s owner didn’t believe the explanation and continued to believe his horse was as talented in mathematics as he.

Same thing with my dog. She just seems to know what’s up even before I say “Wanna go for walkies?” I love my dog, but I’m pretty sure she’s neither a genius nor psychic. She’s just responding to some cue I’m giving her I’m unaware of.

And same with the monkey. It is looking for a cue on how people react. Most monkeys don’t give a shit about how people perceive them, but some monkeys crave attention. Some monkeys want to be the star of the whole damn circus, even if it means biting the truly talented performers in the ass just to get a laugh. The monkey is appealing to the cheap seats.

So the monkey sits at its typewriter and bangs out a hole bunch of crap. Most of it is gibberish, but it doesn’t matter. The gibberish is tossed aside by those looking for a line that comes close enough to “To thine own self be true.” And once the monkey realizes it has a winner on its hands, he’s going to type it over and over so long as people continue to give him approval.

So how does one dissuade another that a monkey is not Shakespeare? Sadly, it can’t be done. And the more you point to the pages of nonsense the monkey has written, the more the true believer will read method in the madness. You’ll just have to be patient, I’m afraid. Saps wake up eventually, they just need to do it in their own time and in their own way. Nobody likes to admit that they’ve been had, least of all by a monkey. The more you call them stupid and the more you point out the typos the monkey makes, the more they will dig in their heels. It will happen, though. You’ve got to know that, right? Or is it possible that you might be giving the monkey a little more credit for his talents than he deserves?

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