Sunday, March 31, 2019

The Democratic Strategy For Losing In 2020


How is it possible for a political party to lose not once but twice to the most reviled and unlikeable president in the nation’s history? This is the question being pondered at this moment by the Democratic Party. The task ahead will not be an easy one, no question, which is why those behind the scenes within the Democratic National Committee have been working tirelessly to ensure they have a multi-pronged strategy in place. All handguns are being loaded and pointed at their own feet well in advance. 

Smear campaigns must be enacted against any candidate with name recognition and a platform people want to vote for. Unknown but worthy candidates must be utterly ignored. Should an unknown candidate somehow achieve a groundswell of support, they must be reassigned to the group in need of smear campaigns. At the same time, a veritable parade of corporate lackies whose loyalty to absolutely nothing other than power and personal ambition must be placed in front of the voting public. The machine will have to be working at peak efficiency if the Democrats are to faceplant in the same fashion as they did in 2016. Nothing can be taken for granted.

Democrats have already established a firm base from which to dive to their own deaths, no question. For the past two years they have been erecting the scaffold from which their self-execution will take place. It is called Russiagate and they have toiled ceaselessly to make it not only monstrously immense but also critically unstable. The fact that such a huge structure has been able to stand for so long with no visible means of support and built on a foundation of sand is a testament to their determination to do what many would have believed could not be done.

The genius of the work done by Democrats and their subcontractors in the media is not only in the immensity and imminent collapse of what they have worked so hard to build, but also the site on which they have chosen to erect it. Like a barbarian tribe that builds a palace upon the graves of their enemies, the Democrats have constructed the foundation of their second self-immolation on the very site of the ashes of the first. In this way they did not need to sift through the charred remains of their inconceivable defeat in search of any lessons to be learned, and danger of victory growing from the ashes of defeat would be impossible. Should any green shoot of hope or insight poke its head from the ruins, they simply pile another brick of Russiagate upon it. A lot of work, admittedly, but the project is funded by some of the deepest pockets on the planet.

The key to losing to Donald Trump, Democrats have realized, is in offering people the one thing worse than Donald Trump himself: Donald Trump as a woman or person of color. Yes, that’s right, keep in mind how unappealing Donald Trump is and then imagine how he would look in drag or in black face. Because the truth is, Democrats don’t really want to defeat Trump, they just want to give him a makeover, some refinement lessons, and possibly gender reassignment surgery.

“Impossible,” you say. “The Democrats are doing everything in their power to beat Donald Trump. They would make any compromise, appeal to any potential wealthy donor no matter how vile, bend any rule and utter any lie no matter how stupid and damaging in order to vanquish their foe. Why, I’m quite sure they would make a deal with the devil himself in order to guarantee a victory over Donald Trump. There is nothing they would not do to win in 2020.”

Let me point out to you an alternate vision for the Democrats if their real goal was to win and not lose. Rather than choosing from their stable of candidates that have been approved by the party establishment—those without any noticeable convictions other than blind obedience to AIPAC—they could choose to back a candidate who actually has issues that resonate with voters, as well as integrity and appeal. One such candidate is Tulsi Gabbard. 

Oh, I know, she’s not very well known, has an unusual name, and comes from Hawaii. That sounds suspiciously like the last Democrat to win to the presidency. In fact, she is every bit as articulate and charming as President Obama, with the added advantages that she is a veteran and has been out in front of issues that nobody in their right mind could be against (e.g. a bill to forbid funding of terrorists, which Congress somehow could not seem to get behind). Add to this the fact that she actually has principled stands on issues rather than glib postures and you have a real winner on your hands. Oh, and for those who vote on such insignificant factors, she is a woman of color.

There is no way Major Gabbard would lose to President Bonespurs. As much as his loyal following would rather watch Trump on television like chidren watching an orange Barney, a clear majority of the American electorate would prefer to look at someone who is charming and not cartoonish. Trump, like the Jerry Springer Show, has his appeal, but it is not enduring. There is no way the vast majority of Americans would prefer another four years of Trump’s incoherent utterances to the thoughtful responses of Congressperson Gabbard. If they’re that desperate for morally degrading entertainment, Honey Boo Boo’s mom would be glad to have another reality program. There is only one way Trump can get another four years in office, and that is by him facing a more polished, more hypocritical imitation of himself. A candidate who will doubtless be backed by a media even Trump supporters can see is clearly not interested in reporting honestly on the issues.

Getting behind Tulsi Gabbard or some other candidate of substance would be the path to take if the Democratic party had healthy ambitions, if their primary goal was to win. But we all know that guy who feels the need to self-destruct anytime he gets near to accomplishing something, don’t we? We all know people who are just fuck-ups who don’t really want to change their destructive patterns. The Democrats don’t need to concede millions of votes from military members and their family. Tulsi would gain many if not most of these voters. Democrats need not throw away millions of votes belonging to those who are to the left of them who are too disgusted with the Democrats to vote, or else vote for a third party. They would gain votes from either side of them should they choose to focus their energies behind such a candidate as Tulsi.

But they won’t. They’re addicted to unhealthy behavior and self-destruction the way a junkie is. They say they want to get better but they turn back to their old ways every time. The more you trust them and the more you try to love them, the more they will shit on you and drag you down with them. You can’t let their behavior control your life. When they try to blame their failures on you, don’t take on that burden. The only hope is their failures will eventually lead them to trying a more healthy approach.

I know, it’s not pretty, but when the TV’s tuned to Jerry Springer, you can either make yourself sick about it or sit back and laugh. Maybe laughing is not the healthiest response, but it beats getting sucked into all the drama. And, God knows, it’s far better to watch from a place of comfort than actually getting up on Jerry’s stage and getting in the brawl. My one hope is to convince those who are watching and taking it all seriously to turn off the TV. But as much as I tell them it’s all going to devolve into a fist fight and that there are no good guys to root for, they’re addicted to the drama and the thought that all of this is real.


I have every confidence in the Democrats to do what many would have believed impossible four short years ago, to lose two presidential elections to someone who looks more like the clown from American Horror Story than he does presidential material. Their instincts, their dogged determination, and their moral compass will see them through. Of course, now more than ever, they will need the assistance of codependents who will coddle them and tell them it’s not their fault.

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