Move Over Trump Derangement Syndrome, Here Comes Bernie Derangement Syndrome

There is a virus poised to sweep across our nation in the ensuing months, one which has the potential to cause untold damage. No, I’m not talking about the coronavirus, which I suspect will be forgotten about long before this one reaches critical mass. I’m talking about BDS (Bernie Derangement Syndrome), a permutation of TDS (Trump Derangement Syndrome). Purported to be even more incapacitating than TDS, early cases are already popping up around the country.

Like Trump Derangement Syndrome, Bernie Derangement Syndrome is especially contagious to those who are of an advanced age or antiquated mindset. The young appear to be mostly immune to BDS, although those who are already suffering from affluenza are likely to show symptoms. Curiously, immigrants from other advanced nations such as the Nordic countries and Canada are almost entirely safe from contracting BDS, one theory being that they have been inoculated and therefore don’t fear they are going to die from it.

Early signs indicate that BDS might be every bit as harmful as the 2016 outbreak of TDS was. What’s even more disturbing is that, while only people in blue states tended to contract Trump Derangement Syndrome, people from both red and blue states are capable of catching the BDS virus. Assuredly, Republicans have been shown to react most violently to it, but Democrats are not immune. One example is a recent outbreak in the MSNBC studio, where Chris Matthews, Joy Reid, and James Carville came down with especially bad cases of it, making one wonder if they do not have some undiagnosed predisposition to BDS or a closer than suspected genetic similarity to Republicans.

This will surely be a crushing blow to those unaffected few on the Left who are no longer comfortable associating with their liberal friends for any length of time because of the unpleasant side effects of TDS (disturbing wild-eyedness, incoherent raving, inability for self-reflection or self-care, shouting RUSSIA frequently at high decibels). In the last four years, many of us who have not fallen sick from TDS have sought solace among conservatives who at least still have some capacity for humor and frank discussion.

Like many of you, I have lost a lot of friends and relatives to TDS since the initial outbreak. It had been my hope that people on the right might have developed some sort of immunity to this and similar illnesses that are spread by the corporate media. Although many on the right were themselves suffering from TAS (Trump Adoration Syndrome), it was my hope that this was merely a reaction to their withdrawal from corporate media. I, clearly naively looking back on it, believed that Republicans were capable of kicking their addiction to being told what to think by corporate media-funded authority figures, and were foolishly but earnestly taking their first steps towards seeing the world through their own eyes. Sadly, early cases of Bernie Derangement Syndrome are proving that this is clearly not the case.

At the present time, there is little that experts can tell us about how to prevent this impending outbreak of Bernie Derangement Syndrome. Corporate media and the culture that has risen from it has created a fertile breeding ground for such a virus. The best we can do for the moment is to avoid areas where likely carriers of BDS tend to congregate (FOX News, AM talk radio). As with Trump Derangement Syndrome, it is absolutely vital that you avoid corporate media, as it is a cesspool where all kinds of deadly diseases are birthed. There is little medicine available other than humor, context, and self-reflection that have been effective against TDS, and it is likely no different with BDS.

So while there is little you can do to prevent the spread of Bernie Derangement Syndrome, let me explain to you what will assuredly be coming in the next few months. Be prepared for those who were willing to give Donald Trump a pass on everything from mocking cripples and saying he could shoot someone in broad daylight and get away with it to find in every statement made by Bernie Sanders an indication that he is exposing his inner Pol Pot. Get ready for Sanders to be compared to Joseph Stalin AND Adolph Hitler in the same breath. Because if there’s one word that triggers Republicans more than “Clinton”, it’s “socialism”. It doesn’t matter that they’ve received their mail for generations through socialism, it doesn’t matter that their roads are paved and their water is supplied by socialism. It doesn’t matter if they get a check from the U.S government every month or that the government helps pay their medical expenses. Don’t ask for it to make sense, it’s part of the derangement.

Our one hope is that they, like so many Europeans, are exposed to the "radical" kind of socialism Bernie Sanders proposes and discover they like what they get. Things like healthcare that does not lead to bankruptcy, college education that does not lead to a lifetime of repayment, or paid time off when you’ve given birth to a child. If not, get ready for the cries of "PUTIN!" to be joined by cries of "LENIN!" In that case, my advice would be to forget about buying a coronavirus mask and invest in some earplugs instead.