If Failure Were An Olympic Sport, Democrats Would Take Home The Gold (Again)

“For every blue-collar Democrat we lose in western Pennsylvania, we will pick up two moderate Republicans in the suburbs in Philadelphia, and you can repeat that in Ohio and Illinois and Wisconsin.”

-Chuck Schumer, 2016

I’ve heard people say weathermen have the easiest job because they only have to be right half the time. I have to think even weathermen envy Democratic strategists, though, because they never have to be right.

Think about it. Democrats lost the most winnable election in living memory, and not one person has been called to task for it from those whose job it was to win against Donald Trump. Russia was blamed, Julian Assange was blamed, Bernie Sanders was blamed, Bernie Bros were blamed, voters were blamed, but nobody whose actual job it was to win the election took any flack. Hillary’s still allowed on television every time she wants to blame others for her loss. All the great prognosticators, pundits, and strategists are still pulling in obscene paychecks, and there has been no shakeup in the Democratic Party, no change of strategy instituted, nor any house cleaning done. Nothing has changed. When a professional football team underperforms—not completely falls flat on its face like the Democrats did but simply underperforms—armchair quarterbacks call for heads to roll and huge changes made. Owners usually respond, or at least find a patsy to fire.

My attempt to find a fitting sports comparison fails me. I would have to go with an imaginary scenario to explain how epic a loss the Democratic Party achieved by losing to a guy who makes fun of handicapped people. It would be like the U.S. Olympic Basketball team losing to a division 3 high school team. It would be like Rocky Balboa losing to Pee Wee Herman. It would be like Joey Chestnut losing to Calista Flockhart in a hotdog-eating contest. Epic. Failure. 

Epic.

But not epic enough, apparently. If the Democrats brought home the gold for failure in 2016, they’re shooting for a platinum this time around. The company that forged Barack Obama’s Nobel Peace Medal is now working on creating one in anticipation.

The Democrats had four years to come up with a strategy to beat President Trump. What did they do in those four years? Find a candidate who was fundamentally honest? Find someone who connects with voters? Make sure the primary contest would be run openly and fairly? Ask the voters what they were looking for? Ditch their corporate donors whose interests were in conflict with what the American people want? See what they could do to reach out to their progressive wing? Look in a mirror? Nope, none of that.

You have to admire their single-minded vision and dedication to reach the very nadir. They are like a ski jumper who has no plan for what happens when he eventually lands, content merely with an epic plummet. 

Had they fallen short in even one aspect of their multi-prong failure campaign, they wouldn’t be in the position they are now to accomplish the impossible, the unthinkable, the unpardonable: giving Donald Trump as many terms as it is possible for a United States President to serve. I can see it now, Joe Biden standing in the middle of the Olympic podium, flanked by Mike Bloomberg and Liz Warren, clenched fists raised high to honor their cause.

Oh, sure, Bernie Sanders still stands in opposition to their quest, but if they are as successful at playing offense against him as they have been up to now, they have a real shot at this. If the Democratic establishment is able to lift Biden over this last hurdle, he’s got an open lane to run as fast as he can into the brick wall that is Donald Trump. It will not be pretty. Because although the DNC is good at rigging primaries, they aren’t able to rig a general election. That’s where Republicans excel. That’s because it’s the job of both the Democrats and Republicans to sift out voters and candidates who are on their left. But I digress.

The Democrats have chosen the perfect candidate to lose this thing. Joe Biden has already been forced out of a previous contest because of his plagiarism, the political equivalent of PED. Had this been a one-time incident, it might not be a medal-worthy attribute, but he has a history of it. He is also a liar, as is also proven in the link in the last sentence. His son was drawing a paycheck from a Ukrainian energy company when he had no experience in energy or Ukraine, and there is audio evidence of Joe Biden being involved with the U.S. handpicking who would be in charge of the Ukrainian government. There’s no telling if Trump has uncovered any damning evidence on what Joe and Hunter Biden were doing in Ukraine, but anyone who’s not lying to him or herself has to know the whole situation stinks. If Trump does have the goods on what went down, don’t expect him to reveal it now. He’s going to wait until the general election, both in order not to knock out the weakest candidate but also to deliver the death blow when it will serve his purpose.

There’s a lot more that can be said about Joe Biden: his support for the Iraq War and his repeated calls for cutting Social Security, his support for Clarence Thomas, and his creepy behavior around women and even young girls. Most important, though, is that his mental faculties are clearly in decline. Damage control is being done by the media as much as possible, but it’s pretty obvious to anyone who’s not invested in his candidacy or the Blue No Matter Who philosophy.

The Democratic establishment have pushed this man into the position of carrying the hopes and dreams of all who call themselves Democrats. This was the result of four years planning by the best and brightest minds on the DNC payroll.

Four years ago I was writing a series of articles about a monkey who leaped into the arena that is the elections, causing chaos and tearing to shreds the dignity of any who came in contact with him. Fast forward to the present, and there is no dignity left for the monkey to fling his feces at. It appears that even the monkey is at a loss for how to behave, for the moment observing the parade of clowns that are the media and political elite as they get in line behind their fool’s pope We have reached a point where even a monkey is content to sit in the audience with a bag of circus peanuts and watch as the pandemonium unfolds. 

In the meantime, those who control the party and the airwaves will be telling you they’ve got a winner on their hands. They say they're afraid sending anyone other than their handpicked candidate will be a catastrophe for the party. If Biden is that candidate, you have to wonder what event they're competing in, because it isn't the Beat Trump 2020 event. 

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